Glovesy

Brit Brit Twin

2008-01-15T14:23:00.000-08:00

This is like the Britney Spears of gloves. You can tell it's had a long night at a number of sleazy LA nightclubs, and after two outfit changes in bathroom, it's collapsed on the sidewalk in its own gum, wreaking of Camel Lights and trying to hide the mysterious white powder caked all over its little cuff. Next thing you know it'll be holding its two toddler sons hostage in the bathroom of its hillside estate, missing important court dates, and two-timing paparazzo creepos. Poor thing!

Found in Paris over Christmas 2007.

Glovazzz

2007-11-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

This glove comes from Natalie Lawler from Echo Park, CA. She says: "i dont remember seeing it when i left my vehicle, so maybe a small child tried to steal my sweet rims while i was gone."

Thanks Natalie. What a sweet treat!

In other news, I found a lizard tail on my front porch today. At first I though it was a really big claw, like the raptor talon in Jurassic Park. But then I picked it up and realized that it was flacid and a lizard's tail. It put me in kind of a sour mood because I was eating a cinnamon tower at the time, and I really didn't feel comfortable picking off parts of it with with the same fingers I'd just used to pick up a lizard tail. Then I felt really selfish for thinking about how much grief picking up that lizard tail had caused me, when really, there's a lizard roaming around my yard without a tail. I don't know exactly how much the tail helps the lizard, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say more than not having a tail. Poor guy. One of my cats is going to eat you.

New York Ciudad!

2007-10-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

It's like a big claw, this one. It's claw-like. I found it on a street in New York. Let's call that street Spring. Anyway, this claw is reaching out to get you. Like the hand of God.

2007-09-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, I was texting Tess at a show to see if she knew any good jokes I could tell on stage. She told me this:

"No, but today when I was in math class I was eating Skittles and when Miss Shafeigh asked what I was doing I told her I was tasting the rainbow. She got mad."

Wise beyond her years, this one.

Found on Sunset by the underground rape tunnel.

2007-09-13T15:05:00.000-07:00

Found either in Toronto or Los Angeles. Just to sound more well-traveled, I'm going to say Toronto. Just kidding! I've never even been to Toronto. That's for lames. But really, I probably found it in Toronto because I was there this past week. No kidding. In fact, I specifically remember finding this in Toronto.

BFFssssszzzzz

2007-09-10T21:24:00.000-07:00

hairnet + glove = janatorial fiesta time!

Two Hands Are Better Than One

2007-08-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

It's such a wonderful surprise to find one glove, but to then find its match...well that's just like finding a new bike under the tree on Christmas morning.

Found these two on that bridge on Sunset that goes over Silverlake Blvd. Near the Silverlake Lounge maybe? Yes, I think so.

The one I took later that day of days:

2007-07-27T10:32:00.001-07:00

Taken on the 5 freeway where it meets the 101. Most gloves become flat after sitting on the freeway for who knows how long. This glove is exceptional.

Why do they come to me to die?

2007-07-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

This glove reminds me of gorillas. Gorillas remind me of my sister Tess (she actually prefers Terri or Resa). When Tess was young, she used to write letters to Koko the gorilla through some animal conservation pen pal program. One day, she realized she hadn't received a letter from Koko in months. After doing some research, she learned that Koko wasn't allowed to have pen pals anymore due to the fact that she'd sexually assaulted her sign language trainers. I think Tess really had to grow up that day. Damn you, Koko, sexual deviant and robber of youthful innocence!

Photo taken bravely by Victor Broadley in Whittier, of all places, a week ago.

What a Stalker!

2007-07-05T17:14:00.001-07:00

How creepy is that. Found this little gem in the staff area at Coachella in April 2007.

Also creepy: designer cats. I have a rule against posting cat pictures on my personal blogs, mainly because that is something creepy people do, but check out the link if you're interested in designer cats. Anyone who says you can't put a price tag on life is a liar and a communist. I would suggest genetically modifying yourself right now, because in about 10 years, you as a non-gm organism aren't going to be worth very much on ebay. I'm genetically modifying myself right now. It burns.

Club Thumb

2007-07-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

We recorded for the first time ever at a studio in Fullerton that charged $20 an hour. We tracked and mixed four songs - complete with drums, bass, two guitars, and vocals - in 4 hours. Probably one of the shittiest eps ever recorded. I think I still have a copy. The point is, the guy who recorded us had a really weird hand with a club thumb. He looked like The Penguine if The Penguine was very obsessed with Pink Floyd. This little stub thumbed glove reminds me of Club Thumb. Thanks for recording our piece of shit quickly and inexpensively.

Don't remember where I found this one. Perhaps in Downtown LA around May 2007?

Bananaramaface

2007-06-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

Just breaking up the monotony. Smiley smile.

Crocodile Rock

2007-06-25T22:25:00.000-07:00

Found on the USC main campus near the dental school sometime around March 2k7.

My favorite color is robin's egg. These are more of a light blue shade. Therefore, they are not my favorite color of glove. But they do look like they're holding hands...if hands looked like baggy sick elephant skin. How romantic!

Bot

2007-06-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

Taken at Coachella in April 2007. It's handy.

I Have One Hand In My Pocket And The Other One Is Givin' A Peace Sign

2007-06-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

Found near a gas station on Highland in June 2007. It reminds me of the time I was sitting on a curb in Long Beach with about ten of my friends after playing a show. We were casually discussing Pynchon and politics when a homeless man walked down the street. He stopped in front of me, and our eyes connected. "Hey, Alanis," he said. "Fuck you, bitch!" And then he continued walking.

What could this mean? Do I look like Alanis Morissette? I do enjoy keeping one hand in my pocket while flashing a peace sign with the other, or playing the piano with the other, or giving a high five with the other. But more importantly, why was the homeless man so offended by Alanis (Morissette or otherwise)? Was the homeless man really Dave Coulier? Is she perverted like me? Would she go down on you in the theater? Be thankful that I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. You, you, you oughta know.

Dr. Green Thumb

2007-06-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite glove. Found on Glendale Blvd. sometime around April 2007. What the hell is up with its monster thumb? Oh yeah, and why only four fingers? I like this glove because it makes me think about the drooling mutant troll gardener who lost it, and that makes me happy.